So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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