let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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