no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
