I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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