Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
