i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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