Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
