I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dignity is for republicans.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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