sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
