pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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