Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
