Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
