i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
