a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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