oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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