After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
