Don't make out with my wife yet
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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