Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
