I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
