its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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