I met the friendliest cop last night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
