You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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