At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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