Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have post one night stand depression
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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