he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
