It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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