I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
