two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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