Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
