Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
