She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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