He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
