well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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