well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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