then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
