I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
