my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
