There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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