He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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