His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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