I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
