If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
