i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
