My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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