I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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