i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
