i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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