I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
