i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
