I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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