I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
